


Tax Fraud is Wrong Kids (But the Friends You Make in Prison Will Have Your Back)

by thefandomlife



Category: Smosh
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, Bisexual Noah Grossman, His Prison Garb??? WHACK, Mentions of Murder, Mild Racism, don't worry he isn't the stabby stabby kind, just kiiiiding, lets overthrow society, mental health stigmas, mentions of drug use, mentions of past rape, noah committed tax fraud, orange is the new black au???, psychopathic character, society is whack, the prison system is whack, whatta naughty boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22222636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefandomlife/pseuds/thefandomlife
Summary: Noah Grossman finds himself in prison for committing (accidental) tax fraud. Woe is me and all that shit and Noah finds that the stigma's of society are fooling everybody and there's some actual, nice people behind these dirty, disgusting walls
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Tax Fraud is Wrong Kids (But the Friends You Make in Prison Will Have Your Back)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, so I wrote this in under an hour after watching the Smosh Pit video: Terrible Prison Foods W/ Shayne! For some reason I just created this monstrosity in my head and needed to write down something or my brain would implode. Maybe I'll actually create a plot to this or something, add more chapters if you guys like this, but in the meantime sit back and enjoy!!
> 
> Also, I don't mean to shit on the entirety of the prison system. There are some situations where people are imprisoned due to stigmas that work against them, just like what I'm writing about. But that being said, there's some terrible people out there who are in prison and I hope they rot there!!!

Noah couldn’t believe he was in this position. This was supposed to be his year, the year that he finally graduated from college and went to nursing school after years of working and starting a life. He had married his high school girlfriend out of obligation to take care of their child and start a family, but now he was supposed to finally get a start on the life he had always dreamed of having. He wanted to be a nurse, to help people and provide care for dying patients and those who just needed a smiling face in their time of need. His mom had been a nurse, so it was important to Noah to be able to achieve the dream of having a connection with her finally, after ten years of dealing with her untimely death.

But instead he was suddenly arrested for tax fraud.

Noah was a good person, morally sound and all that. He watched true crime and conspiracy docu series and would go on rants with his co workers about the good of mankind, his blood boiling at the nastiness of murderers and serial killers. So Noah was a good guy! It didn’t make sense why he was in this mess in the first place!

Until after the court dealings and his sudden prison sentencing for two whole fucking years. Apparently when he had been filling out his taxes, he had missed a few key sections and his taxes were never officially sent. Due to this, and the new job he had gotten from his new degree that boosted his yearly earnings, he was in loads of trouble.

Maryanne divorced him as he was awaiting where he would be sent, swearing that he did it on purpose and that she had been cheating on him anyways. It was awful, everything had been going up for him but then he was suddenly crashing right back down. All he had wanted was to help people, now he was going to be among the scum of the earth, all the people he despised and hated. 

He was sent to California State Prison, giving an ID number and a set of orange, baggy clothes. He wasn’t an individual person anymore, he was just another percentage in the world, a bleak number in the prison system for people to despise and look down upon. It sent shivers up his spine, thinking about who he’d be showering next to, sleeping in close quarters with, and sharing meals.

“All right, Grossman,” a blonde cop yelled as she approached him, “here’s the rundown. You’re not being quartered with the bad of the bad guys, we don’t hate your skinny ass that much. You will follow the schedule of things around here, listen to orders, and don’t go breaking any rules! Is that clear?”

“Y-Yes, ma’am.” He managed to stutter out.

“It’s Officer Miller to you, boy.” She spat back, grabbing his arm and yanking him forward into the main hall of the prison. “Welcome to hell, I’m the kindest face you’re gonna see.”

Noah gulped as they moved through the prison, passing guys that surpassed his height and women who scared him more than his grandma ever did. There were so many people, so many awful circumstances that led them here. It was all so overwhelming, that he didn’t even notice he had bumped into someone until their shoulder met his.

“Oh god, I-I’m s-sorry.” Noah tried to apologize, too afraid after seeing so many movies and shows of thugs beating up wimpy boys like himself.

A blonde, muscular guy sized him up, no taller than himself (maybe even an inch shorter) and with an intricate tattoo swirling across his bicep. He had piercing blue eyes and he just stared for a good ten seconds before smirking and patting Noah on the shoulder.

“You’re gonna get yourself killed in here, newbie.”

Noah gulped as he watched the mysterious guy stride down the hall and out of sight.

“You better watch yourself in here,” Officer Miller said in a hushed tone as they turned a corner as they came to an area that was lined with cots sectioned off from one another by high walls. “Shayne is the least of your concerns, but there are so many more faces in here that you do not want to cross.”

“What is he in here for?” Noah found himself asking.

“Now that’s a question you _don’t_ want to ask.”

  
  
  


~~~~

  
  


Shayne was a strange one, Noah found out. He was always sitting alone, but if he wasn’t he was with a brunette guy who was always hunched over and hiding his face from view. The two of them would sit in the far corner, away from everyone, and eat quietly and leave before anyone else could. 

Noah didn’t want to interact with anyone, given the fact that they were here on worse crimes than himself, but he was going to be here for two years. His wife had divorced him, his dad wasn’t talking to him after he came out a couple years ago, and a lot of his friends thought he did it on purpose.

He was alone.

Until he got his work assignment in the kitchens with the mysterious dark haired guy, Shayne, a sketchy looking girl who kept muttering to herself, a purple haired woman who literally snarled at him, and the only guy in here who happened to have an Afro that made him look like Einstein on crack.

“I’m sorry, but I am a dumb ass and lose control of my mouth sometimes, and so to break this awkward tension,” Noah looked Afro dude in the eyes, “but dude, you kind of look like Einstein on crack.”

“What the fuck did you just say to me?!” Einstein exclaimed.

Suddenly, the scary purple haired woman snorted out a loud laugh. She smacked a hand in front of her mouth to prevent the laughter from tumbling forth, but eventually gave up and started howling with laughter.

“Dude you have some balls.” Shayne said through laughter, his eyes pleading with him to be safe.

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll take it back, I just needed to break that tension and I’m scared and not supposed to be here and I don’t know what to do.”

Noah cheeks flushed with shame at just blurting everything out loud. Man, he was going to get so beat up for that….

“Same here actually.” Einstein muttered after a beat of silence.

Everyone stared at him as he fidgeted in his shoes.

“Cop was racist, accused me of stealing when some other guy actually had and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He tried to arrest me and I tried to break my hands free and popped my elbow into his jaw. He accused me of assaulting an officer and gave me more the minimum sentence, pushed for five years but I got four.”

Noah’s jaw was wide open and catching flies. How could something like that happen?! The cops were supposed to be on the side of the law, not going against it!

“Yeah,” the mysterious dark haired guy spoke up, “my therapist went behind my back and told police that I had confessed to killing a girl who had gone missing months back. Her daughter went to school with me and had a crush on me for the longest time and when I didn’t return her feelings, she blabbed to her mom about some made up lie and accused me of murder. Now I am diagnosed as a psychopath, but the courts used it against me and sent me to prison for ten years, i’ve been here for five of them.”

“I was homeless because of my addiction to meth and schizophrenia and so when there was a mass raid on a drug den my boyfriend was apart of, he blamed me of dealing to the police and I got fifteen years.” The dark haired woman in the corner spoke up, her eyes not clouded over anymore and her voice more coherent and normal.

“I was raped by a whole bunch of frat dicks and so when I tried to get my revenge by calling the cops on them for rape and dealing drugs, their rich daddies pulled out a whole bunch of fake evidence against me for drug smuggling and got me twelve years.” The purple haired woman hissed.

“I was assaulted by my ex girlfriend and when I tried to defend myself, she called the cops and told them I was planning on killing her. Turns out she was crazy and planted a whole bunch of weapons and sketchy stuff in my apartment and they immediately believed her. I’m serving a five year sentence and have served two so far.” Shayne said, his eyes never leaving the ground.

Noah didn’t know what to say. He had originally been persuaded by societies view of prisoners, of convicts and delinquents. Now standing before him were real people, people who were accused, blamed, and tortured for doing absolutely nothing. Society had it out for them the moment some of them were born, or the moment someone toxic entered their life. 

It was awful, it made Noah feel so much more less in his own sentence than any of them. He had been bitching and complaining about how the world hated him when these poor, innocent people were in worse shoes than him.

“What the fuck guys,” Noah exclaimed through tears, “I was just arrested on tax evasion, there was no need to outdo me!”

Everyone chuckled, laughing heartily in the change of mood and the chance to properly introduce each other.

“I’m Keith,” Einstein introduced, “you better find a zipper for your goddamn white ass mouth, it’s gonna get you killed in here.”

“I’m Damien, and I swear if I hear a joke about Sherlock, Ted Bundy, or that goddamn Netflix show You I will not hesitate to kill you in your sleep!”

“You’re not really selling your case there, buddy.” Shayne laughed.

“Isn’t that the point?” Damien teased.

“I’m Olivia, I may be a schizo but I’m not _that_ crazy.”

“And I’m Mari and definitely not a discount Olivia just because we’re Asian.”

Noah smiled as he tried to remember all of their names. He finally had a group of friends who would watch his back and maybe change his life for the better.


End file.
